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A Halloween House of Horrors!
A Halloween House of Horrors! is the third Extra Life live stream D&D adventure hosted by Matt Baume, tangentially linked to the Queens of Adventure universe. In this adventure, the party is sent on a quest by their patron Titania to a Haunted Mansion. Synopsis Under a full moon, a trio of adventures ride in a hay wagon pulled by black unicorns through the fey wilds as eyes stare at them from the darkness. Their companions are a pair of scarecrows with a pumpkin head and straw hat drives. One drives while the other sits next to the party in the hay. The second one says he knows the trio are favorites of Queen Titania, having been living with her in the fey wild for a year now. He asks Agrias what they have done to keep busy. She shushes him and says she is on clown watch. He holds a gloved hand to Vidor the fox, and asks what Grady has been doing. She has been curled in a ball holding a sword in fear of the scarecrows, but says she is now the Court Naturalist and Vidor is now a bit of a court jester for Titania. Vidor does a backflip after she whistles, but lands in the hay. The scarecrow takes off his straw hat and hands it to Perigrindr's mount, the White Queen sheep. He says now normal the half cat half donkey looks. Perigrindr removes a pair of calipers to measure the pumpkin's head, and explains he has been continuing his trans-humanist dissertation research and is now wanting to acquire a pumpkin head. The scarecrow agrees to give it to the wizard once he is done with it. As the wagon leaves the forest they see a craggy mountain pass. The scarecrow reaches into the hay and pulls out Vidor and a scroll. He asks Perigrindr for some light. After a moment, he recalls he can make dancing light and summons it in a vaguely humanoid form of pinkish hue, but in a freakish form. Perigrindr names it Hugh (the audience suggests Hugh-monculus). The scroll says Titania ordered them to visit the enchanted manor that only appears on the full moon on the scariest night of the year. They are to explore and find the enchanted amulet at the heart of the amulet before the manor disappears at the end of the night. The scarecrow doesn't have more information, as he has never been out this far. He asks Agrias to check for undead. She closes her eyes and uses her divine sense, and suddenly something is present in the hay cart. A ghost rises up from the hay, admits he was caught, and leaves. A large owl flaps down to the cart and hoots at the scarecrow who asks Grady to translate. She asks the bird their pronouns and where they're from, but struggles to understand the answer so Perigrindr who begins a ritual. For ten minutes, he dances with Hugh (now covered in moths) to a song. Together they learn: She/Her and a warning of bats ten minutes ahead. But since the ritual took that long, the bats are upon them. As the bats fly past them, all but Grady avoid them, but she manages to ask where they are fleeing from. They warn that the manor has appeared. Once the bats pass, the group sees that the manor has indeed appeared and they pass through the gate. Dead trees surround the jagged form of the house. The scarecrow warns them, as they disembark, that the house will only open for them if they are in costume and hands them a bag before the unicorns burrow into the ground, dragging the hay wagon with them. Agrias finds a pumpkin spice latte and cuts up part of the bag to make a valley girl outfit. Perigrindr goes meta and finds a plastic mask with his old face and a poncho of his old self. He outfits the sheep in an Elaine Stritch look. Grady does a baseball hat and bat look to soften her butchness. Vidor finds some red and black cloth, which Grady does up as a scarf. Perigrindr fashions a jack-o-lantern head for Hugh to shine through. Agrias glares at the others (secretly upset at how many pets the others have when she has none but a bad pumpkin smell). Once outfitted, the doors to the manor open. Candles flicker to life in the foyer when they open. Embroidered into a red carpet are five runes. Passageways lead to the left and right and up the stairs. Perigrindr investigates a small dollhouse stands on a table in the foyer, an exact replica of the house. He sees there are some hinges on a wall which he carefully swings open. There are five labeled rooms: Master Bedroom, Ballroom, Kennels, Laboratory, and the Tomb. Agrias inspects the runes and sees a blueberry, a strawberry, an orange, a fruit salad, and a chocolate bar. Vidor goes sniffing around and finds a black cat in the shadows. Grady tells Vidor to put down their new friend, who is speaking in common, and greets the cat. He leaps onto the dollhouse and asks them what brings them out. Perigrindr says they are here to steal the amulet, to the horror of his partymates. The cat says he doesn't care about that, but points out the runes are the key to getting into the vault, and each other resident of the house has a rune that. Perigrindr asks his name, and then asks Paul the cat if he was always a cat or if he, like the party, was turned into a cat. Grady slowly covers Perigrindr's mouth as the cat stalks away. The group contemplates where to go first. Vidor sniffs at the kennels, and the White Queen recalls the group will meet old friends of hers behind the house. The party decides to head for the kennels, Agrias in the lead with her shield out and sipping from the empty coffee cup. Perigrindr looks on in jealousy as a small stock grows out of Agrias's head. Out back they head barking as they enter an indoor kennel. There are people barking in the cages in black and white onesies. There is a werewolf walking around out of the kennels and petting one of the humans. Upon seeing the group, he grows excited that they might be what he needs. Wary, the group introduces themselves, with Perigrindr asking if he can be a werewolf too. Happy to oblige, he bites the former half-ling on the arm gently, and the wizard feels the lycanthropic magic flow into him, and that he will be in for a treat on the next full moon. Agrias inspects the kennel and sees the human pups are all in a good mood and are not prisoners. The werewolf explains he is going to compete in a dog show but needs help with herding sheep, he leads them to a herd of twenty sheep that need to be guided to the pen. Perigrindr asks the White Queen for help who only recalls the group is persuasive. Grady goes over to talk to them and creates an illusion of fresh hay displayed on a fine dining table. Six sheep are taken in. Perigrindr cast web on the White Queen so she gets sticky and sticks to seven other sheep. Agrias, shocked, puts her hand on her head, notice the stock but tries to ignore it as she casts light. With her head glowing, she tries to intimidate the sheep into the pen, running behind them. Five sheep listen. Once all of them are in the pen, they somehow see thirty sheep in the pen somehow. The werewolf is stunned. In a token of appreciation, he reaches into a chest and passes out some treasures. To Perigrindr he finds a bowtie. His little head and paws emerge from the sheep ball and takes the bowtie as the werewolf explains it can be used to locate something up to a thousand feet away. And since somehow there are extra sheep. From the chest comes a blue glowing shield, an animated shield, the werewolf gives to Agrias. She declares it her pet and names it Shieldy. To Grady he hands a Cloak of Elvenkind which can help camoflauge. She smells it, finding a musty sheep hay odor as she drops to the ground, covering herself. A grassy pattern appears over the cloak. Vidor sniffs the edge and crawls under. Lastly he offers to give them one of the magical runes of the castle if they can name something they are scared of. Agrias says clowns right away. So happy with this guy, she too asks to become a werewolf and he lightly chomps on her tail. Then, on her hand appears a blue rune in the shape of a fruit salad. The group returns to the house, the sheep ball tightly fitting in as Hugh phantom rolls the ball from behind as Perigrindr debates names for the seven new sheeps. The cat looks at this in confusion and asks where they want to go next. They decide to party in the ballroom and the cat leads them down a hall to some double doors. They enter the ballroom. A discarded drop cloth rises into the air and speaks with a ghastly moan. The others look to Peridgrindr who introduces himself and his sheep. The ghost says he was robbed in his earthly life, and points to the chandelier overhead where hangs a top hat. Grady wraps cloth around an arrowhead and tries to shoot it off without piercing it. The plan works, and the hat falls to the ground, landing (oversized) on Vidor's head. As the ghost moves towards the hat, a creature with bells on a hat runs out of the shadows and takes the hat. Perigrindr recognizes it as a nilbog and tries to use mage hand as he rolls (with Vidor's help) towards the nilbog. Agrias commands the nilbog to 'Wait'. The ploy works and Perigrindr grabs both goblin and hat, and the ghost takes the hat back, offering them a rune. Perigrindr says straight people scare him and he gains a blueberry rune as the ghost turns back into a sheet. The wizard asks the goblin why he did what he did, and he explains he just wanted a hat of his own. Grady offers the ballcap from her disguise and Perigrindr offers to let him join the sheep ball gestalt. The nilbog agrees and swims into the sheep. The group moves through the house and find the bedroom. A four poster bed is covered with rose petals. There are some wine bottles and glasses. Near a harp, a figure in a cloak is writing at a desk and crumbling up his work. He turns and asks if they are here to mock him. Grady elbows Agrias to see if she can sense anything. Understanding, she uses divine sense to recognize this as a very sad vampire. She nervously plays with her hair, unaware it is a pumpkin vine. Perigrindr pop out of the ball and grabs the crumpled up sheet. He finds it says "50 shades of Blood" with a lot of crossed out lines and offers to leave the vampire alone in exchange for a rune. The vampire appraises them, and realizes as they clearly can make friends easily, he wants help writing his romance novel. He hasnt been in love in a long time. The vampire describes his protagonist as a harpsichordist and asks for an idea for a paramour, and looks to Perigrindr who looks back and suggests a creature like himself. He then kisses the vampire on the fang and asks if he can be a vampire too. The vampire is slightly shocked but says "You may feel a small prick" - which Agrias suggests as the name of the book. Perigrindr moves the bowtie out of the way as the vampire sinks his teeth into his neck, before Perigrindr begs to have him turn one sheep as well. He obliges, to the alarm of the sheep. Agrias suggests the halfling paramour's family hates string instruments. Grady suggests the lovers run out into the woods to escape their families. The vampire loves all of the ideas and offers a rune in gratitude to Grady who admits with embarrassment to being afraid of losing Vidor. A chocolate bar rune (scratch n sniff) appears on her hand. The group leaves and follows the sound of electricity up a stone tower to a laboratory at the top, full of fiendish equipment. Lighting crackles and vapors rise from containers with body parts. There is a wardrobe full of colorful clothing. Grady recognizes it as a felsh-golem, built from human body parts. It turns and greets them and asks to pick his brain. Grady and Agrias try to prevent Perigrindr from trying to get too involved with the body horror, but he is already trying to get his mass over to greet him. But because the mass is too large for the staircase, he tried to haul it up the side of the tower with Agrias's help, but the ball gets stuck in the window. Perigrindr leaps out of the ball and greets the Flesh-Golem. The creature says he is trying to build a companion as he is lonely as his creator was lost centuries ago, and goes on to say he just needs a brain, body and outfit and asks for help. The group agrees, but realizes everyone here seems lonely (as Perigrindr begins coping all the chalkboard notes on the flesh-golem process). As the group begins looking over the brains, Perigrindr cant help but think this wont solve the problem. The golem mentions he likes musicians and violinists. They mention how there is a vampire harpsichordist elsewhere. The group instantly conspires to get the vampire and flesh golem down to the ballroom. They pull out the copy of the novel Grady took from the vampire and gives it to the golem. Recalling the vampire's appearance, Agrias takes out a scarf she kept from Charismo and puts it around the golem's neck and warns him to not show his neck until he is ready. Grady takes some leaves from Agrias's vines and uses the herbalism kit to make a fragrance to cover up the undead smell before Agrias suggests using some blood from the bodies to make him smell better to the vampire. She dabs it like cologne below the scarf. Perigrindr calls on the nilbog to see if he will give up one of his two hats before remembering they gave up the top hat. So he dives into the costume bags and find a white tuxedo vest. The group splits up: Perigrindr heads to the ballroom to cast some lights and make some fog. Grady guides the golem downstairs and fills the ballroom with violin music. Agrias fetches the vampire and before the two see each other uses command to give the vampire confidence. They see each other across the room and the golem offers back the pages of the book as the others watch them move closer together. Grady notices Vidor is licking a strawberry rune on his paw. The cat stands nearby and congrats them on matchmaking them. As the party prepares to leave, the flesh golem comes over to thank them and hands Agrias a small bag. Inside she finds five jade and five topaz gems, and a piece of paper with a cypher to help Perigrindr figure out the notes. They return to the foyer and Grady rejoins them, she had gone back to the bedroom to get more pages of the novel. The group follows the sound of music into the basement. They find various glyphs and crumbling frescoes and in the center of the last room is a pyramid and a sarcophogus. A mummy emerges from it. He declares it is time for everyone to play his favorite game, but will need to join one of the teams. Grady and Agrias form "That Mummy Hustle" team, and the Mummy join Perigrindr who whispers he wants to be a mummy and choose the name "Mummy Dearest". As Grady receives clues to give to Agrias, Agrias feels warm but doesnt notice that when she speaks a light flickers in her mouth. Team That Mummy Hustle runs through their list of witch terms before Team Mummy Dearest runs through Phantom terms, but Mummy Hustle does theirs faster. The mummy thanks them and they encourage him to go up to the ballroom. He bestows on them a rune. Paul2 the nilbolg is afraid of baloney meat and gains an orange rune. Climbing up the stairs they can see a faint blue light through the windows. They have maybe an hour before sunrise. The runes on their hands glow and a rumble fills the foyer as the staircase lifts into the air revealing a hidden downward staircase. Proceeding down (Perigrindr rolling down rapidly after Paul the cat pushes him down) they find the rough stone of a dungeon. There are chains and dangling cages with skeleton in them. The door behind them slams shut. A golden vault door stands across the room from them. Guessing the skeletons will pose a threat when they approach the door, the group smashes the bones of the skeletons. Suddenly they hear more smashing sounds. They turn and see two clown attired figures. One a succubus and one an incubus. As the clearly straight couple begin to talk, Perigrindr casts comprehend languages so they can understand them. The creatures attack. Vidor runs forward to bite one the Incubus and knocks him down. Grady follows up and uses ensnaring strike on an arrow at the Succubus, who reacts with cutting words, reducing the damage. The Incubus waves his arm, throwing baloney at Grady, who dodges with her cloak. He then turns his attack towards Perigrindr which hurts him psychically. Gleeful for hitting Perigrindr, the monster attacks him again as Perigrindr draws Paul 2 closer to the center of the sheep ball. Realizing they are straight, and vulnerable to attacking each other, he casts crown of madness on the succubus's head and asks which one of them took out the garbage last. Agrias shouts "Balenciaga!" to activate her shield and uses command on the Incubus saying 'bicker'. She then move behind him. The Succubus is forced by the crown to attack the Incubus. She sprays seltzer at him, doing damage, twice. But then she manages to throw off the crown of madness, and tells Paul (a third Paul) they will talk about it later. Vidor leaps up and attacks the Succubus's phone hand, but fails to knock the phone from the hand. Grady casts illusion to create a beautiful clown woman to try and distract the Succubus. The Succubus was going to cast a spell, but recalls he is commanded, and begins to bicker with the Incubus while casting phantasmal loss. ''The bickering gives everyone advantage on this. Agrias resists, but Perigrindr suddenly perceives he is back in his original halfling body and Grady perceives Vidor is missing. The illusion of the clown woman vanishes as well, and the succubus blames the incubus for her running away. He tries to attack Grady but fails to land. Perigrindr fires a firey ''chromatic orb at the Incubus. As the flames dissipate nothing is left but seltzer and a pooka shell necklace. Agrias cashes in inspiration to restore a spell slot and swings with her sword but misses. So she sits and offers the rest of her (empty) latte while unaware her head looks mostly like a pumpkin now. As the succubus reaches for it, Agrias reveals it is empty and she screams out, collapsing into empty clothes. The vault opens, bathing them in light. Inside is a pedestal bathed in light with an amulet on it. Agrias grabs it as they hear the chime of six am and the crow of a rooster. The house begins to shake. The cat appears in the vault and warns them the house is about to take off. Agrias almost asks where they are going but decides to push Perigrindr's sheep ball up the stairs. The phantasmal loss gone, Grady grabs Vidor and hops onto the sheep ball. The group rushes into the foyer as they wave goodbye to Paul, arriving before the grand staircase drops down. On the landing, the golem and vampire wave. The werewolf and some pups say goodbye from the door to the kennel. The ghost hovers doing a dance with his top hat. They tumble out of the front door. The house rises up into the air as debris falls from it. They are twenty feet above the ground. Perigrindr tries to convince the air that their gestalt nature makes them one being as he tries to catch misty step to move the whole group down to the ground. Day breaks over them as the unicorn drawn hay ride bursts from the ground before them. The scarecrows look around and wonders where his latte went. CONGRATULATIONS: You have completed the Spookiest Night of the Year. Characters Party * Agrias Lunnette - asimar paladin * Grady Reineke - human rogue ** Vidor - fox companion * Perigrindr Shook - halfling wizard (in a half cat/half donkey form) ** Carol the White Queen (sheep form) - mount ** Sheep Ball including Vivian NPCs * Scarecrows * Hayride ghost * Owl * Paul the Black Cat * Werewolf * Pups * Ghost * Paul 2 the Nilbog * Vampire * Flesh-Golem * Mummy Monsters/Enemies * Bats * Succubus and Incubus Episode Notes Lore * A haunted mansion in the Fey Wilds appears only once a year on a Full Moon on the scariest night of the year. Inspiration Earned * Agrias - puns around the creation of Perigrindr's light based familiar * Perigrindr - a dancing ritual with his dancing lights homonculus. * DM Matt - "Does anyone where a hat these days?" * Agrias - Clueless valley girl costume * Perigrindr - 80s costume * Grady - A league of their own costume * Agrias - "Baaaaa'll room" pun * Perigrindr - Casting comprehend language on the straight couple. Memorable Quotes * "You mean the sheep I ride that can tell the future but doesn't seem to know the past and is a reference to a movie I have never seen?" - Perigrindr Shook * "I'm such a proud mother right now." - Agrias Lunnette * "He's definitely the final boss." - Agrias Lunnette * "Is the pumpkin spice latte the final boss?" - Grady Reineke * "I've got a good feeling I'm the final girl in this situation." - Perigrindr Shook * "I'm feeling so betrayed by my own ass." - Perigrindr Shook * "Animal Handling?" - "You are literally handling animals." - Perigrindr Shook and Grady Reineke * "We should leave. I think we should call this a win and we should leave. I'm good with this." - Agrias Lunnette * "There were people in cages and now you're tattooed. This is getting very S&My." - Perigrindr Shook * "I'm glad I rolled a crit attacking a hat." - Grady Reineke * "Anthony likes rolling so much he literally made himself only able to roll." - Carlos * "You look like you are full of ideas, and blood, but mostly ideas!" - Vampire NPC * "Yes, what's the strength of twenty sheep and a goblin and a Perigrindr. Figure it out, DM." - Agrias Lunette * "We get it. You have a PhD." - "I'm also a ball of sheep." - Agrias Lunette and Perigrindr Shook * "I don't even know what heterosexuals where." - DM Matt * "Classic heterosexuality: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory." - Perigrindr Shook * "My whole life has been me standing behind a straight man waiting to strike." - Agrias Lunnette * "I am putting heterosexual remains into my inventory." - Perigridr Shook References * Alice In Wonderland staring Carol Channing * Angela Lansbury * Cher in Clueless * Elaine Stritch in Ladies who Lunch * Geena Davis in a League of Their Own * Little Eddie from Gray Gardens * Queer Eye * Bloodborne * Katamari Damacy * 50 Shades of Gray * Tale of Two Cities * Troll 2 bologna sandwich * American Horror Story: Coven - "Balenciaga!" * Unfaithful Man Meme * Mortal Kombat * Rocky Horror Picture Show finale Behind the Queens *This Live Stream was, like the original Lost Treasure of the Neverglades, part of a charity fundraiser: Extra Life, raising money for the Children's Hospital in Seattle. *Originally, Bryan Safi was due to return as Charismo Collins, but was unavailable at the last minute. *The runes and NPCs throughout the manor are based off of the General Mills Monster Cereals: Frankenberry, Count Chocula, Booberry, Fruite Brute, and Fruity Yummy Mummy. *At the end, Matt says they may release an edited version of this adventure in the Queens of Adventure stream sometime. It was later released in its entirety on youtube: Category:Unreleased Category:Live Streams